What happened to the Kanga Cuddles?

Lily came home with a variety of odd and cute habits from the NICU. The top three were needing to be swaddled, her dummy obsession and kanga cuddles.

Swaddling only lasted a month or two before one night, she just decided she didn't like it any more. She SCREAMED until we undid her, then promptly conked out. No fight, no weaning her off. It was bliss. Although seeing as this was in the coldest part of winter it presented us the challenge of keeping her warm. Thank God for Bonds wonder suits and their mittens.

The habit that I swore before she was born I would never allow under my roof was the dummy. But, dummies are a NICU staple, teaching children on the last leg of their sometimes extremely long journeys that sucking = full tummy, as their food heads down that wretched nasogastric tube.

And Lily LOVES hers. We don't go anywhere without our entire stash, especially since she has learned the "Oopsie" game. She plays with it like a toy, and her father has taught her the gorgeous trick, that entertains lines in shopping centres everywhere, of holding the handle end in his mouth and having her "kiss" him to take it. But it's life in our house is coming to an end. As she sprints towards being a toddler, she has learned another trick with her dummy, that has had me leaning over the cot almost crying with frustration. This trick involves her refusing sleep by clamping her jaw so tight I can't even open it by putting my pinkie in the corner of her mouth a la the unlatch technique and doing this horrible closed mouth cry. She is deliberately refusing the dummy so she can't go to sleep. And what happens if we walk away, hoping she will just exhaust herself? She lets rip with an open mouthed wail. And then we start again. Sometimes for hours. Until we give in, pick her up and put her in our bed. The dummy's life will end at Easter when both Bob and I will be home for a number of days and we can go cold turkey. It will be hard, but we will be rid of them before one, when they will begin to interfere with speech, dental and jaw development.

Which brings us to the final NICU habit.

Once Lily was out of her humdicrib, and off her KanMed, I would spend 8 - 12 hours a day at the hospital just cuddling her. Kanga cuddles are a fairly recent NICU "treatment" and involve either skin to skin or Mum's skin to bub's clothes, chest to chest cuddling. It speeds growth and makes for healthier babies. Only the very tiniest and sickest prems don't get Kanga cuddles, but it's not something they delay for too long because the benefits are overwhelming. I loved it. Bob loved it. It was really nice. And when she came home loving it, we quickly caved on our "No co-sleeping" rule. Even during the few months were we couldn't get her to sleep unless we Kanga cuddled her we rarely said anything bad about it. Sometimes I would Kanga cuddle her just because I liked it. And we used it as an alternative to normal Tummy Time, because at around the same time swaddling left our house, so did quiet, calm and productive Tummy Time. And just like swaddling, it hasn't returned.

Lily hates Tummy Time so much, that even though she can roll both ways, she doesn't. Just doesn't. We've caught her at it less than half a dozen times, which is how we know she can, but she simply WILL NOT roll. But Kanga cuddles have stayed, and we both had visions of an overtired toddler, sick five year old, still wanting that special cuddle. But now she can sit and is close to standing, the most awful thing has happened. Kanga cuddles have left our home. She screams just as though its floor Tummy Time and rolls off the offending parent.

It's sad, but we still get plenty of cuddles, Daddy even gets a cuddle that just for him that we call "The Snuggle", where she wriggles her whole body against his, burying her head in his neck or shoulder to lay it there. Lucky I still breastfeed or I might be jealous.

S*** For Brains Oscar Sposka and Darling Dexy Doe Does

One of my gorgeous blogging friends has just posted beautiful posts about her animals, so I'm going to take a post, after my little soap box saga, to tell you how wonderful my animals are.

Both our animals came to us without any planning what-so-ever (much like Lily).

Oscar was originally bought by my grandma as her pet. It was the first animal she has ever bough from a pet shop, and she bought him because of his gorgeous eyes. When I asked  her why she bought him, she simply said, "He looked at me."

But Oscar is a boy. A real boy. Rough and tumble, goofy, high energy and generally ADHD in dog form. And Grandma's placid girl dogs couldn't cope and Grandma herself was a little horrified by what she had bought. So we adopted him. And we love him like a child. He is sometimes frustrating (WHY does he take 45 minutes to choose spot to poo, even on rainy days and at 1am?), sometimes naughty (WHY are my undies so delicious?), sometimes a sook (WHY does he need to sit ON us?), sometimes really smart (WHY can't we leave anything of his on any surface, even high ones?) and always loving.

Oscar is pretty much Bob's dog, so when I read, I think even before I was pregnant, that dogs, particularly male dogs, sense labour before it happens, I wondered how that would shape up. While I was on bed rest at home, Oscar would spend his days with me, in bed, snuggled up, generally being my little friend on a very long and lonely road. At night he would abandon me for his father.

At 31+1 weeks, I went for a routine check up with my Ob/ Gyn and her said Lily looked low. I said she had always been low, even when she was too tiny to need to huddle up. He frowned and said, "Well, just keep up the bed rest and the progesterone."

At 31+6, my grandma and mum popped over. Mum commented that Oscar was being unusually clingy with me. I laughed and said "I hope not. Dogs know when you're going into labour." And forgot about it, assuming he was feeling like less of a night time traitor. The next night I went into labour.

And he has been Lily's little soldier ever since. Getting up with me and sitting with for me each heart breaking pump while she in the NICU. Racing to us to each time she makes a peep, even now. I remember the one night we almost tried control crying, he would race between us and her, his eyes begging us to do something for his little girl. If she wasn't enough to make us forget that nonsense, he was. He sits between her and any new people to our home, and follows around anyone other than us holding her. He loves his girl. And even when she pokes eyes and pulls fur, he patiently waits until she tires of him before moving on, although, lately, he has been a sentinel just out of arms reach. A sentinel, nevertheless though.

Dexter is a gorgeous creature we bought from the vet when we took Oscar for a check up. He was rescued from a kitten farm and hand raised by the nurses at the vet. He was the best impulse buy ever. He, as opposed to Oscar, is indifferent to the baby. She adores him though, laughing her little head off at his antics, and enjoying the moments she catches him off guard and she can attempt to shove him in her mouth, just like her less mobile stuffed animals. And while he licks her feet and her hands, and sometimes takes an experimental nibble when he is playing with her (her toys) voluntarily, he has never once lashed out at her vicious fur pulling antics. Which is saying something as my feet and ankles have grown accustomed to his awesome stalking and foot murdering skills. He looks imploringly at us, but just takes it. The only problem we have had with him is when he was tiny, he would attempt to sit on her head or share her milk. He has grown out of that now, although we still keep a wary on him when she is sleeping, as our beautiful boy loves nothing more than to curl up right under your chin when you are sleeping.

The most important thing about our boys? They are best friends. Rough and tumble, hilarious, murderous, biscuit stealing (both ways), best friends.

We are as blessed with our animals as with our baby.

Loving Lily and Working

When we found out we were pregnant, we were a little stressed about how we would cope financially (isn't everyone after the happy news sinks in?), but with a whole semester of teaching ahead of me, plus a small savings account, I was sure I would get around 12 months to be a mum and definitely 6 months. In an ideal world.

However, the world is not ideal, and I got to work just one week before my body decided that it was not suited to a long, healthy pregnancy. And then the medical bills came in, and they came in and they kept coming in. When our accountant worked it all out, even with Medicare, tax rebate and private health we were well over $5000 out of pocket. Not great for a young couple just starting out. Crippling in fact. When Lily came home, we had just three months for me to find a job before disaster would strike. So when we got a call when she was five weeks old offering me just enough work to keep our heads above water, I took it, even though Lily would be just six weeks old when I started.

I was torn up. NO ONE we knew was in our position. No book I could find advocated what I was doing, although the always beautiful "What to Expect" series said I was in good company and could do it if I had to. OR if I wanted to. Wonderful books those.

I didn't want to, it was hard, and it was stressful and it was tiring. But I love my job. Really love it and I DID enjoy it. Lily never missed a drop of breast milk. Her clothes were clean, her room was clean, she had lots of quality time with us, including reading books and playing age appropriate, development appropriate games. We mainly ate home cooked food, my clothes were always clean and ironed, and the only concession we made was hiring a cleaner. Lily spent two days at day care, but that was our choice. It was directly across the road from my work and I would spend a number of hours with her on those days. And her daddy looked after her one day, and my grandma the others. She had just as much attention and loving as if I were staying at home. She is excelling for a prem, and while a little less mobile than I'd like, is doing great for her actual age.

And I am excited about returning to work for Term 1. As I said before I love my job. It is rewarding, I am good at it and it suits mothering. I do not love it as much as Lily, but at the same time, in the months I have been a SAHM I have found it doesn't suit me. I get bored, frustrated and lonely. And that is fine. When I signed on to become a mother I did not sign on to dissolve myself as person. I truly believe I can be a better mother to my daughter if I work.

So that is why I froth at the mouth when I see "SAHM" bagging out working mums. Or pitying working mums. Or questioning how well working mum's children are raised.

My mum worked, and I love her and am attached to her and was doing I lot better when I landed in Prep than many of the other children whose mothers had been at home with them.

Even Steve Biddulph, author of Raising Boys, amongst other well knowing parenting books and a very vocal opposition to long day care for children and babies says that it takes a village to raise a child. It is only in recent times that we have abandoned that. His loudest lament is the short time fathers get to spend with their offspring and the overall reduced interaction children have with males, thanks in part to paedophile hysteria.

Queensland introduced Prep because study after study, and teacher anecdotal evidence, showed that children that went to kindergarten and preschool faired much better in Year 1 than their home counterparts.

And even if I didn't have to work, Lily would be spending one day at day care next year because I personally believe it is a good thing. Learning to share, getting colds, getting bitten and learning to bite back, interacting with people outside the family sphere.

I won't work for a year with the next one. We have planned this time for the heavy load of bed rest and medical bills. But I will return to work well before my children head off to full time school. That is how I make a happy home, and I am tired of feeling guilty about it.

Little Ray of Sunshine

My daughter is generally a very happy baby. Slow to cry, quick to smile and giggle, she is adored wherever she goes. This has always been a bit of a novelty to her father and I, but now that we are spending a lot of time in a place nobody wants to be, the Intensive Care Unit at the Royal Brisbane Hospital, it seems her cheerful, easy going demeanor may just be life saving.

Sad and grim faces light up when they see the cheeky little girl beaming at them, determined to seek a reaction from everyone around her, nurses flock to her, and most importantly, my mum, who can barely breathe on her own, slowly, painfully, opens her eyes and looks at Lily as she sings out and giggles, trying to impress her grandma, even though she's 'nigh nighs', casting sunshine on the cloudiest day.

Getting back on track

Today I plan to do FOUR posts. The promised Christmas letter, a continuation of Lily's birth story and two about our current day to day lives. Also, I'm going to add some photos to old blogs. Hopefully, this will get me back on track for weekly posts. Maybe not.

Dear Family and Friends,

So 2010 has come and gone, and what a year it has been for the Maidens Family!

The year started off with a bang with our wedding on 16 January. We felt blessed to be joined by so many wonderful people and enjoyed our day immensely! We want to thank you all for the gifts, kind words and for making the journey to be with us at this very special occasion. We also want to apologise that no thank you has come sooner, but life sometimes gets the better of us and those that gifted the Thank You cards! Your thoughtful gestures gave us a truly phenomenal start to married life.

In late January, just weeks after the wedding, we moved into our beautiful new home at Augustine Heights. It took a long time, but finally we are (mostly) settled, with the house itself being fully complete, but our garage is still completely full!

February saw our lives seemingly begin to unravel as the precious little girl that I was pregnant with was threatened by a common condition called Incompetent Cervix. We learned this at 22+6 weeks gestation. I had an emergency procedure called a cerclage and was placed on strict hospital bed rest for an indefinite amount of time.

In April my grandma’s brother, Micheal, passed away from a heart attack.  His loss was felt in the Newcastle, Australian and world bicycle racing community and by his amazing family. He was funny, honest and hard working. He was loved as a husband, father, grandfather brother and uncle. He left to join his son Paul, and my poppy, his brother-in-law, Ken, who both passed away less than a year beforehand.

April also saw me being released from hospital after 5 weeks at 28 weeks gestation. And just four short weeks later, on the 6 May at 3:45am and eight weeks too early, Lily Grace Maidens made her debut. She weighed 1970 grams (4.4 pounds) and measured 42.5 centimetres. She was ready and shocked the many midwives, nurses and doctors present at her birth by screaming her little lungs at the moment she was born. We can’t thank Dr Steven Cattanach enough for our healthy little princess.

She spent four weeks in the Mater Mothers’ Neonatal Intensive Care Unit in Special Care, and hasn’t remembered she was a prem since. She has not yet missed an actual age milestone, and is slightly ahead in cognitive development, and little slow with her motor development. She has two teeth, says mummy/mum, hi, yeah, nana (banana) and her father swears she says ‘dada’ when no-one else is around to hear it, she can roll over front to back, can almost sit unaided, can use a sippy cup and gets the idea behind a spoon, laptop and mobile phone.

Bob continues to enjoy his work at Mammoth Media, gaining a promotion to mid-level this year. He still loves playing football (soccer) for Clairvaux FC. He even scored his first goal this season running around the pitch like a mad man celebrating by rocking an imaginary baby in his arms.

I worked 3 days as a teacher at the start of the year all the way out at Rosewood before being put into hospital. I felt sadden to have to give up teaching many months earlier than planned as I love it very much. However, the financial burden of my treatment and impromptu departure from employment proved too much and in late June I picked up an 8 week teaching contract at Park Ridge State High. I enjoyed it immensely, although, with Lily still ploughing forward with 2 hourly feeds, it was exhausting, and I was relieved to finish. But in October I accepted 3 more weeks there and had a good time again. I plan to resume full time work at the end of January and I’m very much hoping to get a call from Park Ridge.

Our family also saw another new addition in November. The gorgeous and lively orange kitten, Dexter. He was a rescued from an immoral breeder and was hand raised at our vet. Bob took Oscar for a check up and got suckered. Lily and Oscar were excited by their new toy, and Dexter loves everything about everything. He and Oscar (our 1 year old Shih Tzu/ PoodleX) are best mates and Lily can’t wait to join in their naughty shenanigans.

Thank you for touching our lives this year and may you have a very Merry Christmas.

Bring on 2011!