No going back.

It is a year tomorrow that we found out Lily existed, so here's the post recounting how it went down.

Of course after the engagement comes the wedding planning. I'm not going to go into a whole lot of detail here, mainly because 6 months is a long time to fit into a single post and dividing it up more would be contrary to the point of the blog.

However, as with most brides, one of the things I was embarking on with the wedding planning was weight loss, through strict diet and exercise and a skin care regime. It therefore made a whole lot of sense that I was hungry, and trying to juggle the stress of wedding planning, house building and the end of year wrap up at school, that I was a bit moody and quick to temper. But sometime around mid-October, Grandma said, "You're pregnant." With the self confidence only a grandma can possess in such matters.

Even though I thought she was crazy, I did a pregnancy test. The truth was I COULD be pregnant. Even though Bob and I had agreed that the honeymoon would be when we would start actively trying to conceive, we had abandon any reliable form of contraceptive in September because a very dear friend had had more trouble conceiving than is fair for a 24 year old to have, and I was anxious the same might happen to me and I would miss my window of opportunity.

The test was negative, which didn't surprise me as I'd just had a period, although it was incredibly light. I was more disappointed than someone trying to fit into a $5000 wedding gown at about $500 per major alteration should be.

So I carried on with life. Not someone who makes a habit of drinking, when I do, I do it with style. Or lack thereof, rather. So the last two weekends in October saw me attending Oktoberfest and a girls' night while Bob was in Sydney. I didn't hold back at either, although I will admit that, at Oktoberfest, I felt very light headed very quickly.

On the Sunday after the girls' night, I felt like a wreck. More than was reasonable, and by Monday I still hadn't pulled up as much as I should have. I also noticed I wasn't just dieting hungry, I was RAVENOUS. And exhausted. And moody. And my skin, that was being looked after meticulously, was breaking out in pimples. And my boobs hurt. And I just had to LOOK at a glass of water and I'd need to pee. All the other things could be attributed to my period, but the last had me suspicious. So I bought two pregnancy tests on the Tuesday afternoon, and did both.

I screamed when they both appeared positive. Bob turned grey.

There was no going back now, though.