Sexist?

I've been doing a bit of reflecting on Bob's and my parenting style, values and opninions. And while our main parenting philosophies are vehmently pro breastfeeding and vaccine and most everything else is subject to change depending on financies, new research and our kids being individuals that don't necessarily fit easily into philosphical mold, I've also come to the conclusion that we're both a little bit SEXIST.

This is a bit tragic for me, as I had thought that I was was more enlightened than this. I was determined not to force any ideas about masculinity or feminity on our children. I didn't want them thinking that they couldn't be something or act a certain way because of their gender, and I was especially anxious that they be able to talk me if they were homosexual, because the statistics on mental health issues with homosexual teens are scary and I did not want my children thinking that they couldn't talk to me about this because I'd forced some shitty idea about their gender down their throats.

But, here I am 21 months into my parenting journey, and I've decided I am, we are, indeed, sexist.

I've had my suspicions about Bob since shortly before Archer was born.

Christmas 2010 Bob found this amazing toy tool bench, he really REALLY wanted to buy it for Lily, but I put my foot down. She was far too little for such a toy, and at only 7 months at the time of this convo, I was NOT buying her a toy which clearly said 2+ on the box. Next Christmas, I said.

So, when the toy sales came up in June, I asked Bob if he still wanted to get Lily a tool bench. No, he said, we'll save that for Archer. We'll get her a kitchen.

And then, when Archer was born, Bob went to watch a soccer game with him. Lily pitched a jealous fit as Archer was only about a week old at the time of this incident. I asked Bob why he wasn't watching the game with Lily, as he'd always done in the past. He explained he wanted to watch it with his son. Oh dear. We had fierce argument about why he was an ass hat. And Lily got to watch the game with her daddy.

And then I found myself doing it.

The walker we bought for Lily is a pram. It's pink and purple and sits a dolly in it. As we were doing toy inventory before we left Queensland, I said to Bob, "We'll have to get a new walker for Archer, he can't push a pram." But, why not? What does it matter? I told myself I didn't want him singled out by making him use things that were exclusively feminine. I didn't want to single out my NINE MONTH OLD (I assume he'll be about this age when he needs a walker) as too feminine?

I knew we had a problem as parents.

I've always liked to dress Lily like little girl, that is, we use very few gender nuetral items. Except for the occasional jammies or soccer outfit, she pretty much wears clothes that would raise an eyebrow if seen on a boy. I've told myself over and over that is because it's what I like. I'm the mother, I buy the clothes. I'm not going to go out of my way to buy things that are gender nuetral or less feminine simply to conform to some philosophy about parenting. If she expresses a preference when she is older, then we'll compromise.

But now she is getting ideas about her clothes, and it's a 100% a reflection of what I've taught her. She wants to wear girly, pink things (she can now actually ask to wear the pink whatever). I was most upset when she began to show that she placed an importance on being pretty. And this is all my fault. I thought by now, she would have enough hair to style, but she doesn't and so I'm trying to encourage her to wear clips. I put a huge bow in her hair and praised her for being, "pretty". And now, when we go out, she wants shoes and a "pretty". Huge parenting fail, in my opninion.

And then the most dangerous idea of all came out of my mouth and I wanted to kick myself.

As Lily approaches 2, she has gone from being pretty steadily in the 50% for height and the 25% for weight to about 50% for both. In short, she is not thinning out like I thought she probably would at this age. I was worried. Both her father and I were good sized toddlers and Bob shifted at about school age to slim and I went to chunky. I desperately DID NOT want Lily to have my weight issues. So I began to research what to do.

At least an hours out door play a day, going for a walk with the family daily and presenting her with mainly healthy foods.

So I went on an organic buying, home making rampage, held Lily hostage outside for an hour each day, weather permitting and bullied my husband out the door as often as I could. I also switched one of her bottles to reduced fat milk, but that was more to try and wean her off the calories so she'll sleep through the damn night. (it's working, slowly, but surely). But she REALLY likes her food and I can see little difference.

At about this time, Archer started to pack on weight. He now looks like someone that would like most at home in a rugby scrum. AND I PRAISED HIM. How beautiful I thought his legs were and how I loved him being so chubby. Bob said it was going to turn into muscle for playing football (we disagree about which code).

And I heard myself.

And I shut up about both my kids' bodies. These thoughts went from being fairly innocent, "Doesn't Lily look cute in pink?" to genuinely vile.

We're still eating better and trying to excercise, but that benefits everyone and now I'm determined to accept my daughter how she is.

And before you think we're beyond redemption, we were once agian talking about buying cloth nappies, and once again financies didn't permit, despite best efforts, BUT when were choosing them I asked Bob if we should get purple and Bob said, "And pink! Archer can totally wear a pink nappy."

All is not lost after all.